I feel your pain! I have a new 10YO Step son who spent all his life around an aunt, grandmother and his mother, so he had plenty of ladies to run to if he didnt get his way. Now that his mom and I are together in our own place, he is starting to learn he can no longer get away with things he was so used to before. He is learning there is no free meals in life, and when he tries to deny it( IOW whines about clearing the table) he winds up losing TV privilages. It is so much harder these days disciplining children because just about anything you do can be considered child abuse! For example, if I mouthed off to my mother I was gauranteed a crack across the face, do that today and you go to jail. Same with spanking, or locking them in the bathroom for an hour to think about what they did wrong. How are children supposed to learn right from wrong when you have no tools to teach them with? Timeouts are a farce, sending to their room is a vacation with all the video games and such. By the time they reach their teens and they havent learned good discipline, its too late, they will play it against you every chance they get. One thing that is working is taking away his video games, so far that seems to do the trick, but one side effect I am seeing of video games is the kid is lost in space most of the time, its like the lights are on, but no ones home, and he is a smart kid, starting to get all A's in his class now that he is settled into his new school. He is also very lazy and I am at a loss as to how to get him off his growing fat ass and get some excersize. I dont want to be the mean step father, but if I dont do it now, no one else will and that is not going to be good for him in the future. I know he is beginning to learn that I dont coddle him like he has been used to with his aunt and grandmother, and he cannot get away with things he could before, and his mother is starting to understand these things too, she always felt bad when she had to punish him and would refrain from doing so, and is starting to realize that had ill effects now. We all feel bad about punishing, but it must be done, otherwise society will become nothing more than rampant chaos, the children will rule the adults!

When I grew up, if I wanted a car I had to pay for it, and if I wanted to drive it, I had to be able to afford insurance, until then I did not drive. What my parents taught me was to be responsible for my actions, and that is one lesson I learned quite well, its a lesson many people these days do not learn or care about, its always someone elses fault. Im fat, blame it on mcdonalds, I spilled my coffe on me and burned myself, its mcdonalds fault, My uncle got hit by a train, blame the train company, etc.

What you are doing is fair, you are trying to teach him some responsibilities, but you also need to realize that you are now his enemy, trying to get in between him and his honey. You will need to set a compromise between the two of you, open a dialog, come to terms with the fact that he is grown up and will be moving on soon. I grew up in Chicago, got beat up by Ricans, been shot at, still have the scar, been around drugs, and gangs, and learned to survive in that environment without getting involved in it. Most kids these days who dont live in the cities lead a sheltered life and think they are indestructible, and in reality dont have a clue what its like in the rough neighborhoods, dont know what its like to have to walk everywhere to get somewhere, to scrap the bottom of the barrel to get anything, they have it all given to them and dont know how to appreciate it. Come to terms with him, and talk to him like an adult, hie is one now, but doenst realize the burden of being an adult yet, after all he is old enough to die for our freedoms, but not old enough to drink, and once he learns that lesson, he will more than likely understand your reasoning, giving him stricter and stricter curfews will only lead to getting between him and you and that will not be good.

Good luck.

Reply

Quote Reply

Digg It

Del.icio.us